Sometimes I feel so stuck up on the stuff. The 'Can I pay my rent?' 'Does my agent like me?' 'What the hell is my brand?' 'Should I get a haircut?' Stuff.
This evening I went to a forum for the mentorship program I am involved in, (Fulfilling Young Artists) the topic was auditions.
I usually experience such workshops to be focused on 'hitting your mark' or 'how to use the chair to your best advantage.' All fine, dandy, and helpful to learn, but the Mentors this evening spent a great deal of the time chatting about what feeds us, as artists, outside of our auditions. Outside of our work.
This has been something I've been working on lately and there was much that I really needed to hear:
Mainly, it was a healthy reminder of how my acting doesn't actually mean anything about me as a person. And I forget that, all the bloody time!
Of course, it's me, so I look at that, journal about it and get therapy on my issues such 'needing to be seen' or 'seeking love and approval.' But when I don't feel fulfilled elsewhere in my life, it feels like acting is my only life boat to creativity, passion, and freedom of expressing myself.
Yes, it all come back to feeling fulfilled. Something I'm still figuring out, possibly always will be.
As I was thinking of what that might be for me, (thoughts included family, art, kids laughing, music, great fabric, and dancing around my living room) I was reminded of a quote from A Course in Miracles, saying that "life is about the content, not the frame."
Our world, our culture seems so hung up on that frame! (pun intended!)
It's easy to get caught up in the 'should' of life or the little things like 'Are my headshots great?' and 'I need this, I need that' and blah, blah, blah.
Some days I forget to take the time to connect to why I really do this. Without that I think we lose sight of our bliss, and then out comes jealousy and spite to rear their ugly heads.
I want to tell stories, share my truth, and create amazing art. But for a while I was only doing that in my acting, either in class or at the rare few auditions I did get.
As of late I've been finding other avenues for my 'creative energy' to flow, and I seek to find gratitude for the opportunities I do have to do art in my life!
I'm especially grateful and happy that I took a plunge and got back into writing, it is a huge source of joy for me.
But I had avoided it, because 'It's not a good plan B' and maybe 'Anyone can do it' or 'It's another time-consuming hobby which makes no money and takes time away form building my acting career!'
Complete crap.
It makes me happy, gets stuff out my head, and apparently even inspires other. I have also been dancing more, belting in the shower, thinking of setting up an art corner in my apartment and finding more and more writing projects (Including a short one woman show I will be mounting in August - - more to come soon!)
Yes, I still really want my agent to call, and I'd love to book a guest star or audition for a Carl Bessai film! But maybe, hopefully, over time, I will get to the place where the audition will become just another time to play!
I'm making myself a goal; to focusing on the love, the joy, and the bliss in all the areas of Art that I adore. Instead of future tripping about that darn outside frame.
I challenge you to look at your life, and wonder how you could chose to embrace different avenues of art, even in small baby step ways.
Have a lovely week!
xox
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